“A Level of PTSD in Business - I Feel Your Pain”

At the end of 2025 a few experiences stirred up memories I didn’t expect to revisit.

In early December while sitting in the audience at the Massachusetts Conference for Women, listening to Mel Robbins speak candidly about a business failure that nearly devastated her family, I felt it in my body. Real, physical pain. Then, just weeks earlier, hearing that one of my mentors—Urban Grape—was closing its doors reopened a wound I thought had long healed.

It brought me right back to the moment I had to say goodbye to one of my own dream accomplishments.

When the Dream Started to Crumble

In early 2012, I woke up one morning and realized my dream was starting to crumble and we were in debt up to our eyeballs. Bankruptcy loomed as a real possibility for Bon Vivant Wine Company. The landlord was knocking—daily. Wholesalers required cash on delivery and customers were slowly disappearing as job losses mounted across our community.

Things were bleak. Reality set in. My dream come true was not going to make it.

By that point, I had already spent nearly a decade in the wine industry, riding a whirlwind of opportunity—my own wine label, a television show, a book deal—all tied to Divas Uncorked. Each of those opportunities fell apart for different reasons.

And yet, there were incredible highs.

We became overnight celebrities among some of California’s most respected wineries. We were hosted in South Africa and became the first people of color to open the Nederberg Charity Auction. I will never forget standing in that auditorium as Black staff members cheered, beaming with pride after our presentation.

Those moments mattered.

Bon Vivant: Proof of Belonging

But Bon Vivant was different.

The wine store was my ultimate proof that I was respected in the industry. I created what I believed wine retail should be: exceptional service, approachable education, and luxury at its finest.

Every detail was intentional. Cherry wood shelving, softly backlit to showcase each display bottle. Warm-toned walls and floors. Spot lighting throughout. A rolling tasting bar. A full glass storefront so passersby could see us pouring wine—inviting them in every Thursday and Friday.

Our grand tastings were truly grand. We were confident we had built a long-lasting model.

And I wasn’t doing it blindly. I had mentors. I had examples. Urban Grape and Vin Bin generously shared their knowledge, helping smooth the path to opening Bon Vivant’s doors.

Timing Is Everything—and Sometimes It’s Cruel

What no one could have predicted was what was coming.

In 2008, something ominous was brewing in the financial markets. A recession—deep and devastating—was on the horizon. We opened in April 2008. The market took its first major dive in October.

At first, we felt insulated. Through 2008 and 2009, most people kept their jobs. Our customer base grew. We hired staff. We followed our business plan. Customers loved the educational focus, and distributors responded positively.

Then the bottom fell out.

Banks needed bailouts. Longstanding American industries collapsed. By 2010, weekly sales began to slide. Regular customers shared stories of layoffs. Discretionary spending disappeared. People asked for cheaper and cheaper options.

That’s when the real weight hit.

The Risks That Follow You and sometimes for years can be an irritant.

Personal guarantees—on our lease and with major wholesalers—became an albatross around our necks. As new retailers, we were told these conditions were necessary for a landlord to take a chance on us.

Yes, we had attorneys. A bank. Advisors. But after multiple failed attempts to get to yes, we folded and took the risk. Our personal credit was on the line.

Liquor retail is uniquely challenging. Licenses are tightly controlled, and territory protection runs deep. Despite being told licenses were available, we were denied more than once. Some landlords wielded enormous influence within their towns.

As a small, independent store, we also couldn’t compete with large retailers on volume discounts. Our prices stayed higher. We lost customers. We had more square footage than we could afford, and as revenue shrank, rent and accounts payable suffered.

Every dollar went toward survival.

The Emotional Toll was a lot.

I was embarrassed. Exhausted. A wreck.

We watched the dream fade in real time and had to make an excruciating decision—get out before it destroyed everything we had worked for.

The lessons were many. The pain was immense. It felt like a personal failure, even knowing we were far from alone.

Coming Full Circle I’m back added again.  I love this industry

So What’s Next

Sipping Sense is off to an amazing start and I am feeling really good about the new business model. Wine, entertaining and food are in my DNA, so why not have fun with it.

Stay tuned for an upcoming episode where I hope to sit down with fellow owners to reflect, and talk honestly about how exhilarating—and how brutal—this industry can be.

Listen to this blog on my podcast.